Seduction: Finding yourself your own Henry

A question gripping much of the modernized world: How does one seduce Henry Lininger, resident tall white stud. This blog post will deal with the a series of primary sources relating to how one ought get to know this outstanding hunk of man, seduce him, and what happens next.

As most tall studs are sometimes intimidating to get to know because of the raw attraction that radiates outwards from them, the first step is overcoming this hurdle. WW, an unnamed source that certainly doesn’t attend Lewis and Clark College, suggested that you should get to know him, “through debate connections and mocking him for reading DnG”. These are two excellent methods. The real trick that WW is looking at here is how to stroke the ego of the wild Lininger. As someone who has been quoted saying how massively effective their game is, it can sometimes be hard to break through to the inner Henry. Playing to Henry’s strengths are an easy way to get him to open up to you, and maybe eventually love you. Commenting on how excellent he is at being tall, how well he plays with his ball (Varsity Basketball!!), and how his intelligence shines through in his execution of the mythical debate strategy referred to as “Marx K”, can all serve to let you meet the real Henry. Once you’ve finally gotten him to open up and treat you as a peer, the next step begins.

So you’re talking to this hunk of masculine perfection, but now what? One needs to start understanding how to seduce this deeply sensitive and caring individual, who despite a tough veneer truly wants to know what love is. WW says that the real trick to this is, “read a short poem”. It’s short poems like these that are key to showing Henry how you feel, but also tapping into his inner sensitivity. WW also indicates that deleuze puns are great, maybe talk about how the only thing you can see yourself becoming is his; Henry loves having things! MA, a charismatic individual suggest a different course of action, “give him DnG cards, Convince him that OES lost in finals, give him a lighter tho that last one may not be safe”. These help develop the more sensitive side of Henry. As an individual with a deep sense of justice it’s important to trick him into thinking that the world is truly a just place, somewhere that will sell him a lighter and give him everything he needs to succeed. Only when he knows how just the world truly is can he truly start to fall in love with you. LJ, another expert in Henry seduction says, “what, everyone loves you why are you asking me this, you already know how to seduce people”. LJ also said that “I think Kyle would have a good chance. He’s a good person and I think they’d get along”. LJ did not have very many strategies to use, however. CS’s pro tips to seduce Henry were perhaps the most interesting, “I wouldn’t”.

Another excellent trick to seduce Henry is to use an elaborate series of pick up lines and negging to make him reliant upon you for validation. Some starter pick up lines include:

  • Damn boy, your shoulders are bigger than my dropbox.
  • Where do you keep your magic wand of fiat.
  • Wow you’re so tall I bet you are taller than me.
  • Plz love me.
  • Are you clipping because damn boy you’re faster than Kentucky GN
  • Are you a god, because you’re so attractive and intelligent you make me want to be domesticated.
  • Have I ever told you how much better than Leo you are at debate.

 

Once you have completed the pick up line aspect of the seduction, you can then play off the rest of Henry. As soon as he depends upon you for validation of his success, everyone else telling him he’s a god will be second to the true glory of hearing it from you. It is at this point you can hold back compliments from pavlov’s do-I mean Henry-so that he realizes how dependent he is upon you. Once this stage is completed it’s just a matter of dropping hints about how much you want him to announce that he plans to seduce you. This is an important part of the process, because Henry as to believe that it is he who is seducing you, what with his hunk status and all. Once The Lininger beings seducing you, the rest is easy. You could buy a whip to make it literal, but you will have already succeeded and the Henry will be yours!

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